Not that anyone is reading this so I will just pretend that someone is once again, but this week has been a living hell!! Actually the last 8 weeks have been a living hell!! I've created such a mess of my life and lately it's neverending reminders of how much I fucked up!!
I have made about a $50,000 credit card debt for us and I can't get out of it to save my life!! I'm really good about not spending any money for awhile but them I have to come up for air (so to speak) and I go out and spend. I've done my steps...all 12 (thouroughly in my opinion) but I am still fucking crazy in my head these days!!!
I'm really pissed off today...can you tell? Who am I talking to? Nobody is reading this! God...are you listening cause I can always count on you I guess.
So anyway, I try to make money and that just pisses my husband off because I'm on the computer all the time and not staring at him. Then I sign up to watch a toddler for some extra money and it interferes with seeing my sponsor. WTF?? I'm so sick of trying at life!! Why do I have to try so hard? I'm sick of trying to remember to pray and trying to remember to NOT think of myself and trying to fix all of the problems that I've made for me and my family!! I know! I know! I Can't do any of those things but God can right? Well...that is if I remember to pray and ask for help but I just told you that I am having a hard time remembering how to do that because my brain is so filled with my naggy husband, my crying 2 month old, my fighting 6 and 2 year old, stressing about making money, stressing about not spending enough time with my husband so he's happy, stressing that I'm ALWAYS going to be in debt to my husband for all the years of drinking and spending!!!
I'm so tired!! HELP!! Oh...nobody is listening. My sponsor would say "Get on your knees! As many times as you need to today!" Thanks, but I can't remember to do that these days!! Guess I'm just SOL!!!
I'm so tired of being tired and trying. Sometimes I wish for a natural death like cancer. That way it isn't suicide and nobody can blame me for being selfish. I can't do anything right. Do I really have to do this for the rest of my life?? It's so completely exhausting!!
I'm tired. I'm hopeless. I'm restless and discontent with everything in my life. I feel cheated out of a life that I wanted. I drank away my young years and woke up to 3 kids and a husband who suffocates me just like my mother did. Will I ever be happy with my life?? Ever?? Does this really have to be my life?? What if this is as good as it gets??
I'd call my sponsor but I know what she's going to say because I've been saying to myself for 2 months...it's not working. I want to bang my head on a wall (literally) or kick something so hard that I break my foot! This is exactly how I felt before I went to treatment. I'm scared that it's taking me over. "Nikki" is slowly fading out and the disease is taking over. Why? I don't know what else I can do?? HELP! HELP! HELP!
God...I hope you're listening.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
"Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow"
I want to share a poem that I was given at a meeting in Florida when I was in rehab. I was given directions on how to use this poem. I was told that I must read it everyday for 22 days and then I must look back and see how much it's changed me. So I did exactly what they told me and I saw a change :) I hope it does the same for you :)
"Yesterday, today and tomorrow"
There are two days in every week we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed, forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we've said - yesterday is gone.
The other day we shouldn't worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities,
Its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.
Tomorrow is beyond our control.
Tomorrow's sun will rise either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds but it will rise. And until it does,we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day - today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad - it is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, live one day at a time!
So, if anyone is out there reading this (and I SO hope you are) I wish you peace and happiness today. Stay in "today". You can do today. You can do "right now" and just for today, forget the rest! Give it to your higher power or just forget it for today. I give you permission to give yourself a break and relax :)
Love you all! Have a safe and blessed day <3
"Yesterday, today and tomorrow"
There are two days in every week we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed, forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we've said - yesterday is gone.
The other day we shouldn't worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities,
Its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.
Tomorrow is beyond our control.
Tomorrow's sun will rise either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds but it will rise. And until it does,we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day - today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad - it is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, live one day at a time!
So, if anyone is out there reading this (and I SO hope you are) I wish you peace and happiness today. Stay in "today". You can do today. You can do "right now" and just for today, forget the rest! Give it to your higher power or just forget it for today. I give you permission to give yourself a break and relax :)
Love you all! Have a safe and blessed day <3
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Newcomer
I was just getting ready to go to my Thursday night women's AA meeting and I couldn't help but think about the newcomer. Terrified, exhausted, empty, hurting, maybe hungover, maybe drunk or high, and my heart just started weeping.
I remember walking into that room for the very first time. All I was thinking about was when I was going to get my next drink because "I wasn't an alcoholic". I just needed to stop for awhile until I got everything else in my life in order. After that, I would be fine and I would be able to drink like everybody else.
When I first walked into AA, I was on antabuse...a drug that makes you unable to drink alcohol or else you get violently sick or even die. It was working for me because I really didn't want to be in the mess that was my life anymore.
Of course, everyone welcomed me with love and smiles and told me that they were glad I was there. The thing that stuck out the most to me was how everyone seemed so normal. Everyone was smiling and laughing and talking about their lives as if nothing was wrong with them at all. They didn't look like they wanted to bang their heads on the wall or fall down in the middle of a room and start kicking and screaming like a 5 year-old like I did.
The meeting began and someone read a passage from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (I only remember this because this group is now my home group and this is the way we do it each week...otherwise I don't remember much about this first meeting). It wasn't until I got sober almost 6 months later, that I realized how importan the Big Book is. I'm very sure that someone mentioned how important it was because they all knew that I was new and that I was still struggling.
6 months after that first meeting I ended up in rehab in West Palm Beach Florida in the most wonderful place I have ever visited in my life--Behavioral Health of the Palm Beaches. This place saved my life!!! By the time I decided to go, I was ready to admit that I WAS an alcoholic. I needed help and I needed it fast or this disease was going to kill me VERY QUICKLY!
The program that BHOBP (an abbreviation for the facility pronounced B-HOP) followed was the AA and NA program. I loved EVERY second that I was there. It was like I was back in college only this time, I was there not to learn a trade but to learn how to save my life AND that there was a solution for for my problem.
One of my daily assignments from my councelor was to read "The Doctor's Opinion" in The Big Book and give my opinion about it at our next meeting. The same night that I read "The Doctor's Opinion" I found it so interesting that I just kept reading. I couldn't stop IDENTIFYING with what was written on those pages!! I found myself crying then laughing and most importantly saying "Oh MY GOD!! They wrote this book about me!!!!" There I was in a book written in the 1930's! I saw myself in line after line and page after page! Before reading this, I had already accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic, but if I hadn't I sure as hell would have sitting there reading this life-saving book that night! I remember thinking, "Why in the hell didn't everybody at those meeting fall at my feet and BEG me to read this book?? Why didn't they hold me down and shove it in my face while screaming at me to read it??"
Which brings me back to the newcomer. I know now that those women in that first meeting could have begged me to read that book BUT...I wouldn't have listened anyway. I wasn't ready at that moment in time. I wasn't ready until I was ready and only by the grace of GOD did I get ready.
The absolute WORST part of trying to help someone with this cunning, baffling disease is that you can't help until they are ready to surrender. Until they are so sick and tired of being sick and tired that they are forced to listen to you as a last resort. The truth of this matter is is that more times than not, that moment comes too late and the disease wins which means that many of us die at the hands of this monster disease.
This disease WILL kill you unless you surrender to it's power. It might be in a car accident. It might be suicide. It might be an overdose. It might be liver disease or some other part of your body that fails you because it can't take the poison anymore. Any way you look at it, alcoholism will get you someday unless you decide that it can't have you. It's a progressive disease which means that with each drink you take, the monster is growing inside you and getting stronger. Progressive means that even if you don't kill yourself because you are so empty and even if you don't crash your car while driving blitzed out of your mind, it will get you when your body just can't handle how much you need to drink to disappear and one day it will be too much.
So I say this to the newcomer....get your hands on THE BIG BOOK OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and start reading it now!!!! You don't even have to read the whole thing because you will have your answer within a few pages. Just pick it up, if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and start reading it! I BEG YOU!! If I could reach through the screen and scream at you and make you read it somehow, I would in a heartbeat. Reading this book could save your life!!
If I could buy a copy for every newcomer that walks into an AA meeting I would do it in a heartbeat. Reading this is your chance. It's the universe's way of telling you that now is the time for you to save your life! You have no idea what could happen the next time you pick up a drink.
I hope one person is reading this. Maybe you've stumbled on me because you are looking for an answer-a way out of the absolute HELL that you are living. Maybe you are scared to walk into an AA meeting because you aren't sure if you are an alcoholic or not. If you have found me, by the grace of God, I hope this helps you. I hope this can be your first step towards a life that you could never imagine. My life is so filled with love and hope and happiness and I couldn't see passed the darkness just over a year ago.
I wish you all the pain and suffering in the world because that's what it's going to take to get you to find your seat in AA. I love you with all of my heart and I pray for each and every one of you still out there suffering and looking for a way out.
Remember...THERE IS A SOLUTION and the solution is spectacular!! You don't need to suffer anymore.
All my love and until next time......God bless and be safe.
I remember walking into that room for the very first time. All I was thinking about was when I was going to get my next drink because "I wasn't an alcoholic". I just needed to stop for awhile until I got everything else in my life in order. After that, I would be fine and I would be able to drink like everybody else.
When I first walked into AA, I was on antabuse...a drug that makes you unable to drink alcohol or else you get violently sick or even die. It was working for me because I really didn't want to be in the mess that was my life anymore.
Of course, everyone welcomed me with love and smiles and told me that they were glad I was there. The thing that stuck out the most to me was how everyone seemed so normal. Everyone was smiling and laughing and talking about their lives as if nothing was wrong with them at all. They didn't look like they wanted to bang their heads on the wall or fall down in the middle of a room and start kicking and screaming like a 5 year-old like I did.
The meeting began and someone read a passage from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (I only remember this because this group is now my home group and this is the way we do it each week...otherwise I don't remember much about this first meeting). It wasn't until I got sober almost 6 months later, that I realized how importan the Big Book is. I'm very sure that someone mentioned how important it was because they all knew that I was new and that I was still struggling.
6 months after that first meeting I ended up in rehab in West Palm Beach Florida in the most wonderful place I have ever visited in my life--Behavioral Health of the Palm Beaches. This place saved my life!!! By the time I decided to go, I was ready to admit that I WAS an alcoholic. I needed help and I needed it fast or this disease was going to kill me VERY QUICKLY!
The program that BHOBP (an abbreviation for the facility pronounced B-HOP) followed was the AA and NA program. I loved EVERY second that I was there. It was like I was back in college only this time, I was there not to learn a trade but to learn how to save my life AND that there was a solution for for my problem.
One of my daily assignments from my councelor was to read "The Doctor's Opinion" in The Big Book and give my opinion about it at our next meeting. The same night that I read "The Doctor's Opinion" I found it so interesting that I just kept reading. I couldn't stop IDENTIFYING with what was written on those pages!! I found myself crying then laughing and most importantly saying "Oh MY GOD!! They wrote this book about me!!!!" There I was in a book written in the 1930's! I saw myself in line after line and page after page! Before reading this, I had already accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic, but if I hadn't I sure as hell would have sitting there reading this life-saving book that night! I remember thinking, "Why in the hell didn't everybody at those meeting fall at my feet and BEG me to read this book?? Why didn't they hold me down and shove it in my face while screaming at me to read it??"
Which brings me back to the newcomer. I know now that those women in that first meeting could have begged me to read that book BUT...I wouldn't have listened anyway. I wasn't ready at that moment in time. I wasn't ready until I was ready and only by the grace of GOD did I get ready.
The absolute WORST part of trying to help someone with this cunning, baffling disease is that you can't help until they are ready to surrender. Until they are so sick and tired of being sick and tired that they are forced to listen to you as a last resort. The truth of this matter is is that more times than not, that moment comes too late and the disease wins which means that many of us die at the hands of this monster disease.
This disease WILL kill you unless you surrender to it's power. It might be in a car accident. It might be suicide. It might be an overdose. It might be liver disease or some other part of your body that fails you because it can't take the poison anymore. Any way you look at it, alcoholism will get you someday unless you decide that it can't have you. It's a progressive disease which means that with each drink you take, the monster is growing inside you and getting stronger. Progressive means that even if you don't kill yourself because you are so empty and even if you don't crash your car while driving blitzed out of your mind, it will get you when your body just can't handle how much you need to drink to disappear and one day it will be too much.
So I say this to the newcomer....get your hands on THE BIG BOOK OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and start reading it now!!!! You don't even have to read the whole thing because you will have your answer within a few pages. Just pick it up, if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and start reading it! I BEG YOU!! If I could reach through the screen and scream at you and make you read it somehow, I would in a heartbeat. Reading this book could save your life!!
If I could buy a copy for every newcomer that walks into an AA meeting I would do it in a heartbeat. Reading this is your chance. It's the universe's way of telling you that now is the time for you to save your life! You have no idea what could happen the next time you pick up a drink.
I hope one person is reading this. Maybe you've stumbled on me because you are looking for an answer-a way out of the absolute HELL that you are living. Maybe you are scared to walk into an AA meeting because you aren't sure if you are an alcoholic or not. If you have found me, by the grace of God, I hope this helps you. I hope this can be your first step towards a life that you could never imagine. My life is so filled with love and hope and happiness and I couldn't see passed the darkness just over a year ago.
I wish you all the pain and suffering in the world because that's what it's going to take to get you to find your seat in AA. I love you with all of my heart and I pray for each and every one of you still out there suffering and looking for a way out.
Remember...THERE IS A SOLUTION and the solution is spectacular!! You don't need to suffer anymore.
All my love and until next time......God bless and be safe.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Day 3
I'm going to a family reunion today and I would say that at least 75% of my relatives could be poster children for AA. Glassy eyes, red/purplish skin and a drink in hand the entire day. Needless to say, not my kind of crowd anymore. This should be interesting.
I don't crave a drink today but sometimes it pisses me off to watch others "let loose" and have fun with alcohol when I can't. Then that stupid little thought comes into my head..."maybe I could handle a few." Right after that thought comes into my head, I keep playing the tape and remember all the times passed out on the couch the next day after a night of drinking where I was just going to have a few. Or the 75 stitches I had to get the night before because I slashed my leg open AGAIN with a steak knife because I was filled with so much guilt and shame that I had to punish myself for getting drunk AGAIN!
These thoughts, by the Grace of God, most always make me want to smash every alcohol bottle I see because it discusts me to think of putting that poison in my body. And that's exactly what alcohol is to me....POISON! I am allergic to alcohol just as bad as someone with a peanut allergy is allergic to peanut butter and people with peanut allergies don't go anywhere near peanut butter. Why am I going to this reunion today? Sometime I think I have no business being around it.
So, I will talk to God today and ask him to make me content with how my life is today. I will ask him to remove the obsession to drink again today and I will ask him to let me enjoy myself at this party and appreciate the fact that I get to see my loved ones and to let me have fun today without the thought of what alcohol USED to do for me at parties like this.
I really hope you find me soon. I love knowing that little old me might be able to help someone out there today.
All my love!
I don't crave a drink today but sometimes it pisses me off to watch others "let loose" and have fun with alcohol when I can't. Then that stupid little thought comes into my head..."maybe I could handle a few." Right after that thought comes into my head, I keep playing the tape and remember all the times passed out on the couch the next day after a night of drinking where I was just going to have a few. Or the 75 stitches I had to get the night before because I slashed my leg open AGAIN with a steak knife because I was filled with so much guilt and shame that I had to punish myself for getting drunk AGAIN!
These thoughts, by the Grace of God, most always make me want to smash every alcohol bottle I see because it discusts me to think of putting that poison in my body. And that's exactly what alcohol is to me....POISON! I am allergic to alcohol just as bad as someone with a peanut allergy is allergic to peanut butter and people with peanut allergies don't go anywhere near peanut butter. Why am I going to this reunion today? Sometime I think I have no business being around it.
So, I will talk to God today and ask him to make me content with how my life is today. I will ask him to remove the obsession to drink again today and I will ask him to let me enjoy myself at this party and appreciate the fact that I get to see my loved ones and to let me have fun today without the thought of what alcohol USED to do for me at parties like this.
I really hope you find me soon. I love knowing that little old me might be able to help someone out there today.
All my love!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Day 2 Friday August 6, 2010
Hello my loves :) Day 2 of my blog and no followers yet :( This of course makes my brain tell me that nobody cares and nobody likes me and nothing I do matters. However, I must then move forward with my thinking and say to myself, "Nobody knows about the blog yet you fool! How can they follow it if they don't know about it? It has nothing to do with you", and then I feel better <3
I was going to tell you all about me today...share my experience, strength and hope with you but I have some craziness today that I've decided to share instead. I will make another page on this blog that's all about me and my story.
The craziness in my head today is very disturbing because it tell me that I am not doing as well as I think. You see, just because I put the drink down DOES NOT and WILL NOT ever mean that I am cured. I will always think the way that I think because I am an alcoholic. I've heard many people say at meetings that the drinking was just a symptom and that my biggest problem lies between the six inches between my ears. Today I have definately seen this to be the case.
When I am irritable and discontent I start to wander into my old habits again. Spending money (that I DO NOT have) is definately one of my bad, old habits. I get bored very easily and my mind starts running, "What will happen if I don't do something right now? Just something. Anything. I need to feel something good to get me through to the next moment that I have like this". So, I get on the internet and buys something or I go smoke more cigarettes or I exercise for two hours making bleeding wounds and blisters on my feet. Something to give me and INSTANT FIX. Alcohol was always my "instant fix". I don't want to have to wait for anything because if I don't get what I want now, what will happen? Will I go crazy and jump out the window? Will I drink again? Will I cut myself again? Will I scream and bash my head into the wall? Yes. These are actual thoughts that go through my head quite a bit lately.
The fear that I have of unknow feelings is so overwhelming sometimes that I still just can't face it because I don't know how to deal with my feelings. I drank my feelings away and almost 2 years sober, there are still feelings that are unknown territory to me. The gift that I HAVE gotten is that walking through those fears helps so much more than I ever thought it would and I am only able to do that today by the Grace of God and with the support of the AA fellowship.
Anyhow...FSHEW! That was a tangent! As my sponsor would say "Thought to pen." Whatever comes out is what was meant to be dealt with and said. Amen to that sister!
K so back to my craziness. My husband and I are just about $50,000 down in credit card debt alone (not to mention college loans and all that other fun grown-up stuff). This is mostly due to my spending habits, I must admit (if he were looking over my should he would say that's its all due to my spending but there is a little bit in there that he had his hands in too.....Oh well. That's his side of the street). So here I am almost 2 years sober and I am spending money again. Not craving a drink. Not even really thinking about a drink, but spending money to get a quick fix. The absolute WORST part about my spending is that I have nothing to show for it! I buy stupid stuff! Stuff that is spread all over my house and when he finds out that I've spend another $2,000 and asks me, in a rage, what I bought with the money, most of the time I can't even go get something to show him. That's aweful! It's not like I'm buying useful things that will benefit the family or even get used. It's all just for the quick "feel-good" moment and then I'm faced with a VERY upset husband and lost trust again (because every time I spend and he finds out, I SWEAR I will NEVER do it again....right!)
This is all happening because after almost 2 years (how long have I been sober) I still haven't finished my 12 steps. I am stuck at 9 and I know that I must keep going if I am ever to be content and happy. So this is part of step 12 for me. Giving back what has so freely been given to me. I REALLY hope some of you find this blog but even if you don't, my sponsor says that I am making the effort anyway and that's all that counts (but I really want you to get something out of this). I will put it in God's hands because I know that He will do what He wants to do and if other's are meant to read this, then He will make it happen.
I had so many other things I wanted to talk about today but as usual I have forgotten them all. If I don't write things down or do them right away, I forget almost every time. Thought to pen! What was meant to be said, was said and I hope that this reaches someone soon.
We aren't alone. We can all stay sober ONE DAY AT A TIME. One minute at a time. One second at a time. Remember that you have no business looking back at yesterday because it is gone and you can't do anything about the choices you made. You also have no business looking forward into the future because it isn't yours yet. TODAY is yours. This moment is yours. God is in TODAY! You can do it JUST FOR TODAY <3 <3 <3
I love you all and I hope you find peace somewhere in your day today. Until tomorrow....
I was going to tell you all about me today...share my experience, strength and hope with you but I have some craziness today that I've decided to share instead. I will make another page on this blog that's all about me and my story.
The craziness in my head today is very disturbing because it tell me that I am not doing as well as I think. You see, just because I put the drink down DOES NOT and WILL NOT ever mean that I am cured. I will always think the way that I think because I am an alcoholic. I've heard many people say at meetings that the drinking was just a symptom and that my biggest problem lies between the six inches between my ears. Today I have definately seen this to be the case.
When I am irritable and discontent I start to wander into my old habits again. Spending money (that I DO NOT have) is definately one of my bad, old habits. I get bored very easily and my mind starts running, "What will happen if I don't do something right now? Just something. Anything. I need to feel something good to get me through to the next moment that I have like this". So, I get on the internet and buys something or I go smoke more cigarettes or I exercise for two hours making bleeding wounds and blisters on my feet. Something to give me and INSTANT FIX. Alcohol was always my "instant fix". I don't want to have to wait for anything because if I don't get what I want now, what will happen? Will I go crazy and jump out the window? Will I drink again? Will I cut myself again? Will I scream and bash my head into the wall? Yes. These are actual thoughts that go through my head quite a bit lately.
The fear that I have of unknow feelings is so overwhelming sometimes that I still just can't face it because I don't know how to deal with my feelings. I drank my feelings away and almost 2 years sober, there are still feelings that are unknown territory to me. The gift that I HAVE gotten is that walking through those fears helps so much more than I ever thought it would and I am only able to do that today by the Grace of God and with the support of the AA fellowship.
Anyhow...FSHEW! That was a tangent! As my sponsor would say "Thought to pen." Whatever comes out is what was meant to be dealt with and said. Amen to that sister!
K so back to my craziness. My husband and I are just about $50,000 down in credit card debt alone (not to mention college loans and all that other fun grown-up stuff). This is mostly due to my spending habits, I must admit (if he were looking over my should he would say that's its all due to my spending but there is a little bit in there that he had his hands in too.....Oh well. That's his side of the street). So here I am almost 2 years sober and I am spending money again. Not craving a drink. Not even really thinking about a drink, but spending money to get a quick fix. The absolute WORST part about my spending is that I have nothing to show for it! I buy stupid stuff! Stuff that is spread all over my house and when he finds out that I've spend another $2,000 and asks me, in a rage, what I bought with the money, most of the time I can't even go get something to show him. That's aweful! It's not like I'm buying useful things that will benefit the family or even get used. It's all just for the quick "feel-good" moment and then I'm faced with a VERY upset husband and lost trust again (because every time I spend and he finds out, I SWEAR I will NEVER do it again....right!)
This is all happening because after almost 2 years (how long have I been sober) I still haven't finished my 12 steps. I am stuck at 9 and I know that I must keep going if I am ever to be content and happy. So this is part of step 12 for me. Giving back what has so freely been given to me. I REALLY hope some of you find this blog but even if you don't, my sponsor says that I am making the effort anyway and that's all that counts (but I really want you to get something out of this). I will put it in God's hands because I know that He will do what He wants to do and if other's are meant to read this, then He will make it happen.
I had so many other things I wanted to talk about today but as usual I have forgotten them all. If I don't write things down or do them right away, I forget almost every time. Thought to pen! What was meant to be said, was said and I hope that this reaches someone soon.
We aren't alone. We can all stay sober ONE DAY AT A TIME. One minute at a time. One second at a time. Remember that you have no business looking back at yesterday because it is gone and you can't do anything about the choices you made. You also have no business looking forward into the future because it isn't yours yet. TODAY is yours. This moment is yours. God is in TODAY! You can do it JUST FOR TODAY <3 <3 <3
I love you all and I hope you find peace somewhere in your day today. Until tomorrow....
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Day 1 August 5, 2010
Hello my fellow alcholics and addicts! I'm so happy that you've found my blog because my only wish is that I can reach you in some way today (and every other day) and help you feel like you are not alone.
I have to admit that I got this idea, of the 365 days, from the movie "Julie and Julia" starring Merryl Streep and Amy Adams. As I was taking my daily walk this morning, I was trying to think of ways for me to be more active in AA. You see, I am a very busy Mommy. I have a 6 year old daughter, a 2 year old son and a 2 month old baby daughter :) So, it is very difficult for me to get to a meeting everyday and since I am not able to get to meetings (physically), not many people know me well enough to ask me to be their sponsor. My concern in this is that I don't feel like I'm giving the gift back to other alcoholics. So my higher power (whom I choose to call God) put the idea in my head to start a blog for other suffering alcoholics and addicts to read everyday to help them identify with life in recovery and addiction.
So here I am. Ready to let you all into my head on a daily basis just so you can rest assured that you are DEFINATELY NOT ALONE.
I have chosen to remain anonymous for the time being because I am part of a very large social network and I do not wish to share this aspect of my life with everybody on my friends list. I have not reached the comfort of the entire world knowing that I am an alcoholic. So for now you can think of me as a friend who knows what's in your heart and wants to help you as much as she can.
All my love to the world's biggest hearted people! Until tomorrow....I love you!
I have to admit that I got this idea, of the 365 days, from the movie "Julie and Julia" starring Merryl Streep and Amy Adams. As I was taking my daily walk this morning, I was trying to think of ways for me to be more active in AA. You see, I am a very busy Mommy. I have a 6 year old daughter, a 2 year old son and a 2 month old baby daughter :) So, it is very difficult for me to get to a meeting everyday and since I am not able to get to meetings (physically), not many people know me well enough to ask me to be their sponsor. My concern in this is that I don't feel like I'm giving the gift back to other alcoholics. So my higher power (whom I choose to call God) put the idea in my head to start a blog for other suffering alcoholics and addicts to read everyday to help them identify with life in recovery and addiction.
So here I am. Ready to let you all into my head on a daily basis just so you can rest assured that you are DEFINATELY NOT ALONE.
I have chosen to remain anonymous for the time being because I am part of a very large social network and I do not wish to share this aspect of my life with everybody on my friends list. I have not reached the comfort of the entire world knowing that I am an alcoholic. So for now you can think of me as a friend who knows what's in your heart and wants to help you as much as she can.
All my love to the world's biggest hearted people! Until tomorrow....I love you!
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