I'm going to a family reunion today and I would say that at least 75% of my relatives could be poster children for AA. Glassy eyes, red/purplish skin and a drink in hand the entire day. Needless to say, not my kind of crowd anymore. This should be interesting.
I don't crave a drink today but sometimes it pisses me off to watch others "let loose" and have fun with alcohol when I can't. Then that stupid little thought comes into my head..."maybe I could handle a few." Right after that thought comes into my head, I keep playing the tape and remember all the times passed out on the couch the next day after a night of drinking where I was just going to have a few. Or the 75 stitches I had to get the night before because I slashed my leg open AGAIN with a steak knife because I was filled with so much guilt and shame that I had to punish myself for getting drunk AGAIN!
These thoughts, by the Grace of God, most always make me want to smash every alcohol bottle I see because it discusts me to think of putting that poison in my body. And that's exactly what alcohol is to me....POISON! I am allergic to alcohol just as bad as someone with a peanut allergy is allergic to peanut butter and people with peanut allergies don't go anywhere near peanut butter. Why am I going to this reunion today? Sometime I think I have no business being around it.
So, I will talk to God today and ask him to make me content with how my life is today. I will ask him to remove the obsession to drink again today and I will ask him to let me enjoy myself at this party and appreciate the fact that I get to see my loved ones and to let me have fun today without the thought of what alcohol USED to do for me at parties like this.
I really hope you find me soon. I love knowing that little old me might be able to help someone out there today.
All my love!
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